5 Ways To Maximise Your Social Life
It’s rare that I go out nowadays. It’s cold. Dark earlier. I live in a place that isn’t swimming in lovely bars. It’s expensive. I can’t sit down. I hate queuing for a drink. I can’t make small talk. Oh God, the list goes on. So when I DO go out I’m a firm believer in really pulling out the stops. This works in two ways a) it squeezes maximum enjoyment out of my scanty social life b) it ensures I feel so bad the following day/week that I don’t need to go out again for a long time.
So if you’re someone who only goes out once every three months (or less) then here’s some tips on how to really maximise that precious social time so you feel like you’re a party animal (and not a grizzly, old, boxset/takeaway combo addict).
1. Drink as much as you possibly can
There is no point in regulating yourself if you are only going out once in a BLUE MOON. Avoid conversations about ‘how bad your hangovers are these days’/’how you’re going to be woken up at the crack of dawn by a toddler’. YAWN! Each time a tray of drinks passes by- grab TWO. Stick a bottle of prosecco under your arm (or nestle it in your handbag if you’re moving about a lot). Remember you’ve only got four hours to really enjoy yourself and then you’ll be back in bed with the room spinning/regret etc. Make use of this time! Channel Debbie Harry on a night out with Iggy Pop. Don’t listen to that voice that says you’re acting silly. It’s just jealous that you’re having so much fun.
2. Fast-track conversations so you can cut straight to the chase
There’s no point in talking about the weather or the fact that the food in the local pub is vastly overpriced. Go straight for the interesting stuff and grab the topic and shake it for dear life. Do you think Oscar Wilde talked about ‘Lidl and the fact that their meat is really quite decent?’ NO! Say one thing that’s interesting and then move on (the fact that I can’t think of one interesting thing whilst I’m writing this is a bit of a worry but I’m sober so that’s probably why).
3. Dress like you’re going to the Oscars
Okay that’s over-egging it a bit but there’s no point in saving all the glittery, fancy things you’ve got in your wardrobe. The best bit of going out is getting ready. Once you’re there, it’s usually disappointing so get some loud music on, slap on some slap and keep repeating the lyrics to ‘Who’s that lady? Sexy Lady!’ to yourself until you believe you are actually going to the Oscars. Don’t wear flat shoes because ‘they’re more comfy and it’s quite a long walk home and I’ll probably feel a little tired’ Wear heeled boots with studs or trainers with wings growing out the sides. Push the envelope!
4. Do one risky/dangerous thing
Okay you’re a parent but that doesn’t mean you have to play it safe ALL the time. How about actually dancing? How about eating an olive stuffed with anchovy? Or going up to that woman you’ve always thought was intriguing but didn’t have the confidence to talk to? What about a menthol cigarette? (don’t do this if you’ve NEVER smoked before). Remember this is about MAXIMISING your night and accepting that you won’t get these opportunities again for a while. After all, there needs to be some regret, even if it’s just the anchovy that keeps repeating on you or the embarrassing twerk you did in front of your daughter’s nursery teacher.
5. Accept that the morning will be AWFUL
Okay it’s going to be hard but forget about that now. Do you think Bianca Jagger was thinking about her impending hangover as she rode into Studio 54 on the back of a white stallion? NO! What about Donna Summer in the days when disco was just taking flight? Don’t think so! Channel one of these hedonistic icons. Imagine you’re Andy Warhol’s latest superstar! Get a kebab! Tomorrow will be AWFUL but Peppa Pig was invented for such days.
Take my advice for 5 Easy ways to MAXIMISE that rare night out. And then resume normal service. Sit all cosy in your pyjamas – safe in the knowledge that you really cut loose and made the most out of your night.
For one night you were Kate Moss, rock and roll, Keith Richards, leather trousers, Led Zeppelin, CBGB’s, Punk, Elvis, Studio 54, The Summer of Love, Timothy Leary, Janis Joplin and Jack Kerouac all wrapped up in one person.
For one night you rocked!
(photo of Studio 54 by www.vogue.com)
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